New Public Slums for Detroit

A little sick green shoot humor here at the Onion.More than a few people in the general public know where most "hopeful" government projects lead and this joke plays on that.

Slum opens with glass breaking ceremony with the Detroit mayor throwing the first brick.

"Designed as an urban community where parents will be too afraid to let children out of their sight, and where residents can come together, get involved in dangerous gangs, and eventually hold up a liquor store, Baneberry Heights is Detroit's largest housing initiative in nearly a decade.

Many have hailed the new slum as a boon for the struggling city, saying it will provide appallingly unsafe housing for 4,000 residents and, by summer's end, cold and bleak street corners for more than 2,000 homeless citizens.
"This is why I became a politician—to help out the people of Detroit," said urban development secretary Robert Sturges, who also christened the new slum by urinating on its entranceway. "Being able to say that I had a hand in getting this squalid hellscape of concrete and steel off the ground...well, it's all the thanks I need."

Sadly, some residents think they are not doing enough to destroy their city-- while others think they can do it themselves.

"As far as giant 'f -yous' from the city go, I'm a little underwhelmed," said Danica Michaels, a single mother of four young children. "This is nothing compared to the giant interstate they built through my neighborhood last year."